Finding Happier Days

Lorelei loves the disc swing hanging
from the pecan tree on the Lott Farm

I keep sitting down at the computer to work on the blog and find myself getting distracted with one thing or another.  It is important stuff, like paying bills and trying to make travel arrangements for the next leg of our journey but I also have all sorts of fun adventures that I want to share.  And I also feel like there is so much on my mind that I just want to write about but that isn't really the purpose of this blog.  But, this is my blog and I can do what I want, right?  I mean, if you are reading this, it is because you want to know what is going on in my (our) life right now.  I already wrote my "confess all" posts so I might as well follow up and keep going so you know my (our) life is getting better.

Lorelei & Izzi; Lake Hartwell

I have been feeling pretty relaxed lately so that is a nice change.  We are staying at David's parents' farm for a few weeks (in our RV) and plan on getting back on the road in the beginning of April.  Our first stop is going to be SE Georgia so we can check out Cumberland Island, Okefenokee Swamp, the Georgia Sea Turtle Center and other various places in that area.  We are planning on slowly working our way north from there, eventually passing through Washington, DC and New York City.  There is another FTF Rally coming up later this year that we are hoping to make it to in Mattawa, Canada. The rally is in September, which seems so far off but if we stick to our ideal travel plan of staying in each spot for 3 weeks that only gives us 8 stops to make from SE Georgia up to Canada over the next 5 months.  Please let me know if you know of any can't miss spots in the comments below.

Lorelei seems to be noticeably happier lately which is a huge relief.  I think going to the Full Time Families Rally helped immensely, and I am sure my demeanor has changed as well.  She seems to be smiling more and doesn't argue quite as much as she used to and seems to be getting over her anger of missing her friends and school. I'm not expecting her to forget about any of her life in Colorado, but I was getting quite worried since she seemed so angry about how we disrupted her life to go on this adventure.  She still talks about how she misses her friends but now she does so with a sense of longing instead of fury.  We went on a 3 mile walk Sunday along the Hartwell Dam Trail and I think she almost enjoyed it.  She complained about a pain in her heel for a while but she pushed through and eventually forgot about it.
She seems to finally be settling into her school routine. I'm not as worried about her progress anymore since I feel fairly certain we will be on the road for at least 1 more school year.  I felt like she had fallen quite a bit behind in math but she is quickly catching up now that she doesn't hate doing her lessons as much as she did in the beginning.  We found an on-line program that we both like and she actually does her lessons without arguing and grumbling (most of the time).  Perhaps I'll write more about that another time if anyone is interested.
So that's life for now.  We are looking forward to getting back to traveling but it is nice spending time with David's parents and relaxing on the farm.  Don't forget to share your Eastern US travel suggestions in the comments below!

Another happy day on the farm

Disruptions in our RV Life: Part 2

Life continued on, mostly without me, but I still managed to have almost daily struggles with Lorelei. We would argue; she would get
angry, I would yell at her; she would cry, I would cry, she would carry on forever about how much she hated me and what a terrible mom I was... and eventually David would smooth things out.  I briefly mentioned in my previous post that I wanted to stay hidden in my room at my parents' house.  This is because we basically moved in with them after dropping our RV off for minor repairs at Open Roads Complete RV in Acworth, GA.

Let me give you a little back story about that whole debacle:

We had arranged to drop our RV off at Open Roads a few weeks prior to our arrival in Georgia and when we made our appointment they informed us they were running about 2 weeks behind for scheduling.  We told them that would be fine since we wanted to drop the RV off on Halloween, which was a little over 2 weeks away.  When we arrived in Marietta, my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins helped us unload pretty much the entire RV and move everything into my parents' house.  We figured we would be there for a few weeks, maybe a month and a half at most while the RV was being repaired.  This worked perfectly because we wanted to be with my family for Thanksgiving and figured around that time we would get the RV back and head to Hartwell, GA to stay with David's parents on their farm for a while and then head back out on the road after Christmas.  

When we arrived on Halloween to drop the RV off, we were once again informed that they were running about 2 weeks behind.  We reminded them that we had made an appointment (over 2 weeks ago) to have the work done starting on that day so they could start right away on our rig, right?  Apparently, in the RV repair world, that isn't how things work.  They wanted us to bring it in so it could sit on their lot for 2 weeks before they even looked at it...???   &*$^*@%)&*  SERIOUSLY??  We felt a little powerless but we left our house there and headed back to our temporary home away from home to wait it out.

A few weeks passed and I finally had my appointment.  The psychiatrist determined I was depressed (you think?), anxious (possibly), and OCD (hmm, not too sure about that one, but whatever).  To make things all better, he gave me a prescription for Zoloft.  I was supposed to gradually increase the dose by 25-50 mg every two weeks or so.  As time passed, I still wasn't feeling much better.  I still didn't want to get out of bed.  I was going to bed early. I was always exhausted but I could barely sleep. And, I was still crying (or felt like I needed to) almost all the time.  

Thanksgiving came and things didn't seem to be getting much better.  Our RV was still in the shop and we were still at my parents' house. My parents were being super supportive through all of this.  They weren't giving us a hard time about being there but I was still feeling incredibly guilty for disrupting their routine.  A few more weeks passed (with little to no progress on the RV) and all of a sudden, it was Christmas.  

I always look forward to Christmas with my family.  All of my cousins and their families, aunts, & uncles, my brother, his wife and kids come over... We get together to celebrate and throw wrapping paper at each other.  Christmas just isn't the same for me unless I can be around all that chaos.  This year was different however.  As people began to arrive, I started feeling  overwhelmed.  I couldn't handle the chit chat and chaos of my family, who I normally love to be around.  I ended up retreating, once again, into the safety of my bedroom.

After a few more visits to the psychiatrist and a few more tweaks to the medication, I finally began to feel "normal."  I am currently taking Zoloft (to make me happy), Wellbutrin (to give me energy), Adderall (have I ever mentioned my ADHD?), and Trazadone (at night, to help me sleep).  I really don't like taking all these medications, but I guess for now, it is what my brain (and sanity) needs.  Hopefully I can eventually go back to being "normal" without so many drugs but with all the changes and uncertainty that has been going on in my life I suppose it is OK to have a little help.

We finally picked up our RV and headed out on the road again, but unfortunately, we are just on a short jaunt to Florida. We began our trip with our first RV rally, then spent a little time outside of Orlando with a trip to Legoland and we are currently in the FL panhandle so I can spend time with my Grandma Betty.  We are heading back to Marietta in a few days to celebrate Grandma Lucy's birthday on Saturday and... big surprise here, drop the RV back off at Open Roads for them to FINISH the repairs they were supposed to do over 3 months ago.  Oh well, that's why I'm taking medication: so I don't have to get upset about $h!t like this!

Disruptions in our RV Life: Part 1

Wow, I can't believe how quickly the last few weeks months have flown by.  I feel like life has jumped from early October to mid February in the blink of an eye!  Hmm, that must be the medication talking.  Yup, let me explain...

When I came up with the crazy idea of downsizing and traveling around the country in an RV, David jumped into it pretty quickly but Lorelei wasn't too keen on it.  I figured once we got on the road she would embrace it and everyone would have a great time.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  Lorelei is a homebody.  She likes her routine & predictability.  She does best with a schedule and needs to socialize with other kids her age.

Before we left, I began researching various homeschooling options and decided that I would go with an on-line curriculum called Time4Learning and supplement with various activities as we travel.  I envisioned frequent hikes, zoo & museum field trips, and having Lorelei complete the various Junior Ranger programs at the National Parks we would visit.  It didn't take long for before I realized that this wasn't going to work.  Lorelei refused to do the Junior Ranger programs.  She had no interest in exploring the museums and would pretty much shut down anytime we would go out; whining, complaining, and constantly arguing to make sure everyone was as miserable as she was.  In addition to disliking any adventures we tried to enjoy, she was also extremely unhappy with the curriculum in Time4Learning and had a very difficult time focusing and getting anything done.

Everyday was getting more and more difficult to get through.  Lorelei was frequently melting down and I was beginning to feel horrible for uprooting Lorelei from her happy life in Colorado and forcing her to travel without her friends.  I was dreading getting out of bed in the morning and was completely drained from all the arguing and yelling going on between myself and Lorelei.  I eventually began to feel that this was a horrible mistake.  Our house still hadn't sold in Colorado so our savings was just about depleted from basically having an additional mortgage payment (campsites & RV payment) while still making payments on the house.  In addition to all of this, David's job wasn't going quite as well as we had anticipated and it looked like he was going to have to find some contract work to do while he waited for his company to start making a bit more money.

In mid-October, I shut down.  I went to bed and couldn't get back up. Life had become more than I could handle and I had a minor major meltdown.  I shut everyone out and slept and cried for about 30 hours (or maybe a bit longer.  I can't really remember how long I stayed in bed since time was passing so quickly).  There is never a good time for this to happen, but my timing was pretty horrible because it was David's birthday.  David managed to drag me out of bed to go out to dinner for his birthday.  I sat at the table, feeling numb, not touching any food.  I eventually couldn't handle the stimulation around me of the noisy restaurant and retreated to the car while David & Lorelei finished their meals.

It was around this point that David began to realize something really wasn't right; that I couldn't just snap out of my "funk."  He decided I needed professional help so he began researching psychiatrists in the Atlanta area and made an appointment for me to see someone soon after we arrived.  He got the soonest appointment available, but it was still a few weeks out.  Over the next few weeks, I was still pretty miserable.  I was crying a lot, always tired, and didn't feel like being around anybody.  I would have been perfectly content to stay holed up in my room at my parents' house where we were staying while life continued on without me...